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May 31, 2018

Parenting: I Am Afraid Of Going To School

By Ianpassion


Nowadays our eldest child is acting indifferently towards her schooling. She behaves somehow opposite from last year that seems she enjoyed learning.


During school days (Monday to Friday), just this past few days every morning, after taking her meal, while wearing her uniform, and when she knows she is heading to school,  then she starts crying heavily. She does not want to go.


We are considering that maybe she needs adjustment since she had not been in the school during the two months of her summer break. Expecting that after a week, perhaps she can normalize herself in a new environment and get along with her classmates.


However, she is still not motivated to go to school. We know that she had been comfortable in our home with no strict roles to observe and the convenience of the language we use to communicate.


So now, when she is back in school, we were thinking that possibly one of the reasons that she dislikes her learning is because of strict roles. She does not maybe feel free and she can't speak the language that she is familiar with.  



As parents, we tried to provide emotional assistant, that she is enabled to overcome obstacles. 


We understand her. We help her to realize that school is not home. We told her it is not going to be easy, but we believe in you. At this very young age of four, we know this statement is big and hard to grasp.


Our children must learn that life is not all the time comfortable. Slowly she will understand a part of the big picture. Life has many seasons – easy and difficult. Yet all are indispensable to keep going, learning, and growing. Our children should get ready for this. They need to be prepared on how to be independent especially in overcoming unavoidable adversities.


I thought that what I mentioned earlier could be one of the reasons for my daughter’s refusal to going to school. I inquired further. We talked to her, looking for another possible reason for not having enthusiasm.  


Conversation:


“Why don’t you want to go to school?” I asked.


She replied, “I am afraid.”


“Afraid of what?” I followed up.


She said, “I am afraid of my teacher”  


“And why you are afraid?”


Then she told us.


At a very young age, fear already crept into our daughter’s life. She is afraid of authorities, especially her teacher. She is afraid that if she misbehaves, breaks the roles, or disobeys the system then there is a consequence. I think in her brain she struggles on how to be respectful and at the same time, she wonders why she is afraid. 


I know that not all fears are negative. Fear is a natural reaction to possible danger, pain, or punishment called in psychology whether biochemical or emotional response. However, if fear is not overcome or healed this will lead to having a phobia, trauma, or damaging individual, especially to a child's emotional stability.


In my opinion, teachers should be the most dependable or approachable authority in the school that children should not be afraid of, especially in times of our children confusions. It can be said that teachers must keep the balance between discipline and love. I understand teachers are facing challenges on how to control students' bad behavior but avoid harmful words and physical consequences that can possibly cripple our children's self-image and inner impulse. 


I am not concluding, but only stirring for consideration.



I am also pondering that maybe in some societies, what I just mentioned is another way around. It is the norm. Fear is normal. A tradition or heritage that is acceptable. So as a result, no one dares to deal with it even somehow it is the right thing to do.


However, as a father, a parent, we are aching on cases that innocent children at a young age are emotionally or physically mistreated. Of course, there must be tons of reasons behind – bad behaviors and more. In that sense, our assumption is based on our view because not all of us see the angle from a similar vantage point with respect to cultural differences.   


For the sake of discussion and for further verification, not because our children are under the system or someone's authority then they have all the rights. What we think that school should be the safest ground to protect every child’s dignity instead of a danger zone for possible maltreatment.


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